Journey to the Moon

An impressive feat, and possibly the zenith of his drinking career, Jon proceeded to successfully outlast his two companions, Shamus and Rosco in a race known as the Journey to the Moon. Conceptualized in his final years of high school, Rosco battled his friend in the Journey to the Moon, a challenge in which individuals race one another to see who can drink a 30-rack the fastest.

One fateful night, in late spring of 2016, the three endeavored on the challenge in Jon's dorm at exactly 5 p.m. Many a can were crushed with rapidity, and the group had high morale, until roughly 20 beers, when Rosco, in his deliriously intoxicated state, ripped a fatty dab. This was the end for Rosco, as he left to go play Fifa and inevitably fall asleep sitting up. Shamus and Jon proceeded to a Quincy house party somewhere in South Amherst, where each man carried their beers in their backpacks. Shamus was lost in a rogue wave somewhere in the crowd of his Quincy friends and failed to complete the challenge as well. Alone, with six beers, Jon returned to his dorm with Josh R, where Jon demanded that Josh witness the ascension to the moon.

After urinating multiple times, Jon prepared the last six beverages with the legendary Hextuplefist, and made haste, chugging beer after beer, throwing up foam like a rabid dog. Finally, at 12:08 p.m. Jon finished the Journey to the Moon with a time of 7 hours and 8 minutes total.